Today in the daily newspaper, I read an article where Swami
Parthasarathy defines attachment as the most distinguishing characteristic of humans,
unlike animals. He defines attachment to wealth, power and family (spouse,
children) as a disease that is worse than AIDS and cancer. Attachment is typically
mistaken for love, but actually it is love along with selfishness.
This article made me think about the meaning of love in the
context of motherhood as I always believed that mothers are the ones that are
capable of loving their offspring and not be selfish about it. Is mother’s love
truly selfless? Or do mothers also suffer from the deadly disease of
attachment?
I believe that mother truly is an epitome or in other words,
a perfect example of love. I am sure many of you reading this will agree with
me that mothers exemplify selfless love. From the day the baby is conceived till it is
born, and nurtured to be the beautiful or handsome youth or the middle aged or
aged person, a mother’s love never stops.
All through my childhood, my mother was right beside me
during all my asthma attacks, and bronchitis, relentlessly trying to find that
magic cure by taking me to various doctors and naturo-pathy practitioners. Although
she knew she will be left all alone in India, she let go of me and my brother
to pursue higher studies abroad. When we decided to move back to India, it was
she who said we should think otherwise, not really thinking about herself during
her old age. Even now, she can detect if
I am sad, ill or unhappy just by talking to me on the phone. That is the magic
of mother’s love that is irreplaceable.
Being a mom myself with my own family to provide for, seldom
do I notice that nobody really cares as much as a mom does. For example, only when
my mom is visiting, I get asked whether I had my coffee or my breakfast before
I head out to work. I get my lunch packed with a variety of fruits, salad and
nutritious snacks along with a sumptuous menu. Sometimes, she will not shy in
literally feeding me from hand to mouth, my breakfast if I am in a hurry getting out the door. It is a simple
truth in that, a mother’s heart goes all out for its offspring, and she does
this out of pure love, no strings attached.
One of my colleagues quoted an example of mom’s love as he
saw it unfolding in the train tracks of Mumbai. It was pouring rain, and three
rag pickers had only 2 cups of tea. The mother was holding on to a full cup
while the son was sharing his entire cup with his son (her grandson). All the
while, the mother was muttering and in the end scolded her son to have shared
all his tea and urged him to drink her cup before it gets cold, not even caring
if her tummy goes hungry.
Providing for your offspring in a selfless manner, at the
cost of your own health is a universal characteristic of mothers in general. My servant maid’s sister recently was
hospitalized for a week for kidney stone complications. She had grown so weak
and staying at her sister’s would have helped with her recovery. However, after
one day of her discharge, she heads home to cater to her 10 and 14 year old
sons who were actually taking care of themselves quite well.
How many times have you gone without breakfast in the
morning, only thinking about your kids, and spouse’s needs? Another friend once
told me that only when she was diagnosed with cancer that her dying friend realized
how much she missed out of life, for she hardly took care of herself, multitasking
as a mother, wife and the VP of a company at the same time.
A very senior colleague of mine once praised his wife as the
person who is the center of his family’s strength and unity, without whom he or
his family wouldn’t be what he/they are today. He elaborated that they live in
a modest two bedroom apartment with their two sons, two daughters in laws and 1
grandson. I was awestruck for I thought my three bedroom rental was just enough for us and any guests
who will visit us. My colleague and wife sleep in the living room with the
grandson, while the bedrooms are given to their children. The grandma cooks for
the entire family, makes their lunch boxes, and provides for their every need, while
the daughter in laws worked during the week. I am sure they help out, however, when
he told me that the day she falls sick, dinner is ordered from outside, I
realized how important her role is in the family. She was indeed the epitome of
love, her selfless service towards her family truly was the reason they were
all living under one roof, a rarity not found in many households of today.
As children grow up, and start having a family of their own,
mother’s love is actually depicted in many comedies as the unwelcome thorn in
any married couple’s life. Classic example is that of the American series, “Everybody
loves Raymond” where the story revolves around the Italian mom who loves her
son Raymond so much that she practically lives in his house or her in hers
(they are neighbors). Soap operas in regional languages in India have one
common theme and that is to make fun of the never ending drama between “Mother
in law and daughter in laws” in general.
For couples living abroad away from parents, the one blessing
in disguise is that the mothers of
the spouses are not going to be living anywhere close to influence their lives.
Today’s generation has gotten used to living alone either abroad or in nuclear
family setting that they have lost the one quality that older generation had
loads of, and that is patience or tolerance to elders, especially mothers and
grandmothers of their spouses. On contrary, the father or grandfather of the
spouse tends to be more accepted within the family.
As a young mother, I believe that we have the unique capability of loving unconditionally. However, we just need to remind ourselves to love and not mistake it with attachment. We also need to
Take care
of our self, for the healthier we are, the longer we will be with our
loved one.
·
Live our
lives to the fullest for the happier we are, the more positive energy we will exude.
· Free the pigeon from the cage when the time
comes and not expect it fly back.
