Mother - the epitome of love

Today in the daily newspaper, I read an article where Swami Parthasarathy defines attachment as the most distinguishing characteristic of humans, unlike animals. He defines attachment to wealth, power and family (spouse, children) as a disease that is worse than AIDS and cancer. Attachment is typically mistaken for love, but actually it is love along with selfishness. 

This article made me think about the meaning of love in the context of motherhood as I always believed that mothers are the ones that are capable of loving their offspring and not be selfish about it. Is mother’s love truly selfless? Or do mothers also suffer from the deadly disease of attachment?

I believe that mother truly is an epitome or in other words, a perfect example of love. I am sure many of you reading this will agree with me that mothers exemplify selfless love.  From the day the baby is conceived till it is born, and nurtured to be the beautiful or handsome youth or the middle aged or aged person, a mother’s love never stops. 

All through my childhood, my mother was right beside me during all my asthma attacks, and bronchitis, relentlessly trying to find that magic cure by taking me to various doctors and naturo-pathy practitioners. Although she knew she will be left all alone in India, she let go of me and my brother to pursue higher studies abroad. When we decided to move back to India, it was she who said we should think otherwise, not really thinking about herself during her old age.  Even now, she can detect if I am sad, ill or unhappy just by talking to me on the phone. That is the magic of mother’s love that is irreplaceable.  

Being a mom myself with my own family to provide for, seldom do I notice that nobody really cares as much as a mom does. For example, only when my mom is visiting, I get asked whether I had my coffee or my breakfast before I head out to work. I get my lunch packed with a variety of fruits, salad and nutritious snacks along with a sumptuous menu. Sometimes, she will not shy in literally feeding me from hand to mouth, my breakfast if I am in a hurry getting out the door. It is a simple truth in that, a mother’s heart goes all out for its offspring, and she does this out of pure love, no strings attached. 

One of my colleagues quoted an example of mom’s love as he saw it unfolding in the train tracks of Mumbai. It was pouring rain, and three rag pickers had only 2 cups of tea. The mother was holding on to a full cup while the son was sharing his entire cup with his son (her grandson). All the while, the mother was muttering and in the end scolded her son to have shared all his tea and urged him to drink her cup before it gets cold, not even caring if her tummy goes hungry. 

Providing for your offspring in a selfless manner, at the cost of your own health is a universal characteristic of mothers in general.  My servant maid’s sister recently was hospitalized for a week for kidney stone complications. She had grown so weak and staying at her sister’s would have helped with her recovery. However, after one day of her discharge, she heads home to cater to her 10 and 14 year old sons who were actually taking care of themselves quite well.  

How many times have you gone without breakfast in the morning, only thinking about your kids, and spouse’s needs? Another friend once told me that only when she was diagnosed with cancer that her dying friend realized how much she missed out of life, for she hardly took care of herself, multitasking as a mother, wife and the VP of a company at the same time. 

A very senior colleague of mine once praised his wife as the person who is the center of his family’s strength and unity, without whom he or his family wouldn’t be what he/they are today. He elaborated that they live in a modest two bedroom apartment with their two sons, two daughters in laws and 1 grandson. I was awestruck for I thought my three bedroom rental was just enough for us and any guests who will visit us. My colleague and wife sleep in the living room with the grandson, while the bedrooms are given to their children. The grandma cooks for the entire family, makes their lunch boxes, and provides for their every need, while the daughter in laws worked during the week. I am sure they help out, however, when he told me that the day she falls sick, dinner is ordered from outside, I realized how important her role is in the family. She was indeed the epitome of love, her selfless service towards her family truly was the reason they were all living under one roof, a rarity not found in many households of today. 

As children grow up, and start having a family of their own, mother’s love is actually depicted in many comedies as the unwelcome thorn in any married couple’s life. Classic example is that of the American series, “Everybody loves Raymond” where the story revolves around the Italian mom who loves her son Raymond so much that she practically lives in his house or her in hers (they are neighbors). Soap operas in regional languages in India have one common theme and that is to make fun of the never ending drama between “Mother in law and daughter in laws” in general. 

For couples living abroad away from parents, the one blessing in disguise is that the mothers of the spouses are not going to be living anywhere close to influence their lives. Today’s generation has gotten used to living alone either abroad or in nuclear family setting that they have lost the one quality that older generation had loads of, and that is patience or tolerance to elders, especially mothers and grandmothers of their spouses. On contrary, the father or grandfather of the spouse tends to be more accepted within the family.  

As a young mother, I believe that we have the unique capability of loving unconditionally. However,  we just need to remind ourselves to love and not mistake it with attachment. We also need to

           Take care of our self, for the healthier we are, the longer we will be with our loved one.

·         Live our lives to the fullest for the happier we are, the more positive energy we will exude.

·         Free the pigeon from the cage when the time comes and not expect it fly back.